[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ specialty=”on” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_sidebar area=”et_pb_widget_area_5″ _builder_version=”4.21.0″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_sidebar][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ specialty_columns=”3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_row_inner _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column_inner saved_specialty_column_type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Le Centre d\u2019aide et de lutte…” _builder_version=”4.23.1″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
\u201cFeelings?\u00a0 What feelings?\u00a0 Are they in this room with us?\u201d We have feelings all the time, whether we\u2019re aware of them or not.\u00a0 Feelings arise in response to whatever is happening in our lives.\u00a0 A threat makes us fearful.\u00a0 When someone injures us, we feel hurt and angry.\u00a0 When we are safe and our needs are met, we feel content.\u00a0 These are natural responses.\u00a0 We may not always have the ability to recognize and understand our feelings, but they are there.<\/p>\n For a long time, I thought I didn\u2019t feel.\u00a0 I had ignored my own internal cues for so long that I was sure I didn\u2019t have any feelings to be in touch with.\u00a0 I thought of feelings as some mystical thing I had to concoct, rather than as an already functioning part of me I had to uncover.\u00a0 Any feelings I did have were something separate from me that I had to hurry up and get over, so I could shift back into the safety of neutral \u2013 being numb and in control.<\/p>\n When you were a child, your feelings of love and trust were betrayed.\u00a0 Your pain, rage and fear were too great for you to experience them fully and continue to function, so you suppressed your feelings in order to survive.<\/p>\n \u201cCertain feelings just went under.\u00a0 I stopped having them at a really young age.\u00a0 I stopped having physical sensations.\u00a0 You could beat me and it literally didn\u2019t hurt.\u00a0 By the time I was thirteen, I no longer felt angry.\u00a0 And once I stopped feeling anger, I never felt love either.\u00a0 What I lived with most was boredom, which is really not a feeling but a lack of feeling.\u00a0 All the highs and lows were taken out.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n But we all need feelings.\u00a0 They are useful messages from which we gain insight and the ability to make wise choices.\u00a0 Feelings, even painful ones, are allies, telling us what\u2019s going on inside and, often, how to respond to the situations in our lives.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When you open up to your feelings, you don\u2019t get to pick and choose.\u00a0 They\u2019re a package deal.\u00a0 One of Ellen\u2019s clients was abused by her father over the course of many years.\u00a0 When she and Ellen began working together, she said she felt numb; she wanted to have feelings.\u00a0 After a few months she was crying through every session, crying at home, crying when she went out with friends.\u00a0 One day she came in, stated crying and then laughed, \u201cWell, I sure got what I asked for.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Yes.\u00a0 She was feeling.\u00a0 And the way feelings work is that you can\u2019t feel selectively.\u00a0 When you decide to feel, you feel what there is to feel.\u00a0 For this woman, there was a great deal of pain and sadness.\u00a0 And after that, a lot of anger.\u00a0 And some fear.\u00a0 But slipped in among these difficult feelings were pride, hope, pleasure, self-respect, and a growing contentment.<\/p>\n To feel, you have to be open to the full spectrum of feelings.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I first started to grapple with the concept of feeling \u2013 and in the beginning it was only a concept \u2013 I ranked all the possible emotions in two lists:\u00a0 good feelings and bad feelings.\u00a0 Every time I had a feeling, I\u2019d think \u201cIs this a bad feeling or a good feeling? Is this a feeling I can allow myself to have?\u201d\u00a0 Then I\u2019d either feel it or suppress it.\u00a0 It\u2019s been hard for me to accept that there is no right or wrong to feeling.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n The more you can accept your feelings without judgment, the easier it will be for you to experience them, work with them, and learn from them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Getting in touch with feelings requires that you live inside your body and pay attention to the sensations that are there.\u00a0 Feelings are just that \u2013 things that you feel in your body:\u00a0 tightening in your throat, trembling, clutching in your stomach, shortness of breath, moistness behind your eyes, moistness between your legs, warmth in your chest, tingling in your hands, fullness in your heart.<\/p>\n If you have ignored your body for a long time, tuning in to these sensations may seem strange and unfamiliar.\u00a0 Or you may be able to objectively report the sensations you feel in your body but not know what they mean.<\/p>\n When children are very small they don\u2019t have the conceptual ability to say \u201cI feel scared.\u201d\u00a0 They say, \u201cI feel yucky in my stomach.\u201d\u00a0 When adults give that sensation a name, the child learns to connect the feeling with the emotion.<\/p>\n If no one paid attention to what you felt and you never learned to name your feelings, you will be starting at the beginning, teaching yourself to read the messages your body gives you.\u00a0 (For powerful example, see Krishnabai\u2019s story, on page 440.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n All of us feel in different ways, with different levels of intensity.\u00a0 Getting to know your feelings is part of getting to know yourself as a unique person.<\/p>\n Many survivors have spent their lives racing to stay just one step ahead of their feelings.\u00a0 Slow down enough to ask yourself, \u201cHow do I feel?\u201d\u00a0 Whenever you notice yourself gliding on automatic pilot, stop and check in with your body.\u00a0 Are you in your body?\u00a0 What sensations are going on?\u00a0 What might those sensations be telling you?<\/p>\n Pay attention to your behaviour also.\u00a0 If you are acting inappropriately, slamming around the kitchen or crying at something small, you may be having a feeling you haven\u2019t yet acknowledged.\u00a0 Laura remembers:<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I first started to pay attention to my feelings, the thing I felt most often was the sensation that I was lost in a dense fog.\u00a0 Or I\u2019d be overwhelmed by things like boredom, confusion, desperation, hopelessness, or anxiety.\u00a0 What I gradually learned was that these were not actually emotions, but lids I kept on my emotions.\u00a0 As soon as I\u2019d have a glimmer of the raw feeling, I\u2019d throw a big thick blanket over it to cover it up.\u00a0 If I scratched beneath the boredom, there was usually anger.\u00a0 Anxiety covered up terror.\u00a0 Hopelessness and depression were rage turned inward.\u00a0 And so on.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n If you have habitually covered your feelings, this may take place so quickly and automatically that you don\u2019t even have a chance to feel the initial emotion.\u00a0 When you begin to feel happy, you slide into anxiety.\u00a0 When you\u2019re angry, you immediately hate yourself.\u00a0 These patterns are different for everyone, but if you are overwhelmed by states such as depression, confusion, or guilt, there\u2019s probably a specific emotion, triggered by a specific event, underneath.<\/p>\n Sometimes it\u2019s a thought pattern that intercedes when you start to feel something.\u00a0 If you catch yourself in an old line of thinking that makes you feel bad about yourself, it probably has a feeling underneath.\u00a0\u00a0 Thoughts like \u201cI\u2019ll never change\u201d or \u201cPeople don\u2019t like me\u201d usually indicate buried feelings.\u00a0 As a child you couldn\u2019t afford to say \u201cI hate my father; I want to kill him\u201d, so you hated yourself instead, finding a hundred reasons why you were bad, why the abuse was your fault.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n All the creative arts can help you connect with your feelings.\u00a0 Put on music and move with your feelings.\u00a0 Sing the blues.\u00a0 Cut words and pictures out of magazines and make a collage. \u00a0You do not have to be an accomplished artist, dancer, or musician to express your feelings in these ways. This isn\u2019t about performance \u2013 it\u2019s about expressing yourself.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Amy Pine, a creative-arts therapist in Santa Cruz, California, suggests trying to draw a feeling you have.\u00a0 Use color, shape, texture, degree of pressure, use of space, as well as literal pictures to express this feeling.\u00a0 Stick figures are also fine. Then draw the way you want to feel.\u00a0 Share these drawings with someone.\u00a0 What do they represent?\u00a0 What do you notice when you look at them?\u00a0 Then draw a third picture that takes elements of the first through a transition that brings it to the second.\u00a0 What had to happen to connect them?\u00a0 How did you do it?\u00a0 Is there any correlation with what you might do in your life?<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n If you can\u2019t readily identify a feeling, your intellect can sometimes help.\u00a0 Say to yourself: \u201cMy lover just left me and I don\u2019t feel anything.\u00a0 What would someone else be feeling in this situation?\u00a0 What have I learned from books, movies, and friends about the feelings that might be common in this circumstance?\u00a0 Could it be relief?\u00a0 Anger?\u00a0 Grief? Could that be what this knot in my throat is about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The next two exercises, from Learning to Live Without Violence<\/em> by Daniel Sonkin and Michael Durphy, can be helpful in beginning to identify feelings.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n People commonly confuse feelings with thinking or observation.\u00a0 For example:<\/p>\n \u201cI feel it was unfair.\u201d These statements are \u201cI feel \u2013 thinking\u201d statements rather than \u201cI feel \u2013 emotion\u201d statements.\u00a0 A good test for whether a statement is an \u201cI feel \u2013 thinking\u201d statement is to replace \u201cI feel\u201d with \u201cI think\u201d.\u00a0 If it makes sense, then it is probably more of a thinking statement or observation than a feeling statement.\u00a0 If we change the above \u201cI feel \u2013 thinking\u201d statements to \u201cI feel \u2013 emotion\u201d statements, they might read:<\/p>\n \u201cI feel hurt by what you did.\u201d <\/p>\n The following is a list of feeling words.\u00a0 Say them out loud.\u00a0 Try out different tones of voice for each word, or say it louder or softer.\u00a0 Pay attention to your feelings as you say each word. What sensations does it stir up?\u00a0 How does your body feel?\u00a0 Do some words fit you, but not others?\u00a0 Write in any other words that especially describe you.\u00a0 When you are finished, underline the three words that you respond to most strongly.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n excited\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 frustrated\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 hurt\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n tender \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 frightened\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 jealous\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n sad\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 contented\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 loving\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n lonely\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 depressed\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 elated\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n edgy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 timid\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 happy\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n When you first become aware of the simple, pure emotions that move through you, all you have to do is be aware:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m feeling a feeling\u201d.\u00a0 If you\u2019re sad, let yourself feel sad \u2013 without worrying, without panicking, without needing to take any action.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay just to feel sad.\u00a0 Your feelings aren\u2019t dangerous.\u00a0 And most people find that once they get started, feeling isn\u2019t as bad as they feared it would be.<\/p>\n \u201cThe more I felt, the easier it got.\u00a0 Feeling became less and less scary.\u00a0 Even though I lost my capacity to just put things aside and I felt a lot of pain, my main feeling was one of relief.\u00a0 I found that the fear of feeling and the stress of suppressing my feelings were more painful than the feelings themselves.<\/em><\/p>\n Some of the feelings \u2013 especially the old ones I had to relive \u2013 were just as awful as I thought they\u2019d be, but they didn\u2019t last forever.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Feelings exist in and of themselves, but when you\u2019re not used to them, having an emotion you can\u2019t tie to a concrete event can be frightening.<\/p>\n \u201cWhenever I have a strong feeling, I think, \u201c…there has to be a reason I\u2019m feeling this way.\u201d\u00a0 And when I do figure it out, I\u2019m incredibly relieved.\u00a0 \u201cOh! So that\u2019s what made me so angry.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s less scary for me to have feelings when I can understand them.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n It is reassuring to understand why you feel a certain way or where that feeling originates, but that\u2019s not always possible.\u00a0 Even if you don\u2019t figure it out, the feeling still counts.<\/p>\n Valuing and eventually you will stop seeing feelings as something separate from yourself.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve integrated emotions into my life.\u00a0 I no longer have to take time out to feel.\u00a0 If I\u2019m walking down the street and I feel sad, I can start crying.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to wait until I get home and plan the time to do it.\u00a0 My emotions are a part of who I am, they\u2019re not split off from my body.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to make a date to feel my emotions anymore.<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s the nature of feelings to ebb and flow, to change.\u00a0 You can be furious one hour, sad the next, full of love an hour later.\u00a0 Pain turns into rage, and rage into relief.\u00a0 If feelings are not jammed up, they shift with a natural rhythm that matches your experience in the world.\u00a0 Paradoxically, the best way to get rid of a feeling is to feel it fully.\u00a0 When you accept and express a feeling, it often transforms.<\/p>\n It\u2019s like a fire hose.\u00a0 When it\u2019s plugged up, the internal pressure is explosive; water bursts forth in a torrent.\u00a0 But when the water is flowing and the pressure is even, the water rushes steadily out through the hose and does its job.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re working with long\u2013denied feelings, the transitions won\u2019t happen as quickly as they will with contemporary feelings, but all feelings, once released, eventually change.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If your feelings were denied or criticized in childhood, it may take a while before you feel safe enough to express your feelings.\u00a0 Many women first experience this safety with a counsellor.<\/p>\n \u201cOne day my therapist said to me, \u201cI won\u2019t leave you no matter what you do.\u201d\u00a0 Before the session was over I got angry at her for the first time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Being with people who respect your feelings and who are in touch with their own can also speed the learning process.\u00a0 Through feedback, example, and tenderness, you can learn to connect with your own emotions.<\/p>\n \u201cAt first I didn\u2019t know how to have feelings by myself.\u00a0 I\u2019d be numb until I saw my lover, my therapist, or a really good friend.\u00a0 They would draw me out, help me figure out what I was feeling. \u00a0When they held or talked to me, I would squeak out a few tears or have a quiet moment of anger.\u00a0 I needed comforting and permission from someone else to be able to feel.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Although it\u2019s good to have loving, supportive people around when you start to connect with your feelings, over time you\u2019ll feel safe enough to open up by yourself.\u00a0 In your mind or loud you can tell yourself the comforting things others have told you:\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay to cry.\u201d \u201cYou have a right to your anger.\u201d\u00a0 By calling on the part of yourself that is able to nurture you, to stand up for you, you provide a wise and kind mother for the frightened, hurt, or angry child within.\u00a0 You can stroke your own hair, rock yourself in a rocker, make yourself a cup of warm milk and honey, or set out pillows to punch.\u00a0 You become your own catalyst, midwife, permission-giver.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Once you start to feel your feelings, you still have a hard time expressing them:<\/p>\n \u201cMy facial expressions didn\u2019t match what I said.\u00a0 I was always grinning.\u00a0 I might be down in the dumps, three feet depressed, but I kept smiling no matter what, so the outside world wouldn\u2019t know how much pain I was in, couldn\u2019t guess my secret.\u00a0 That, they wouldn\u2019t with me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Or as Laura recalls:<\/p>\n \u201cAll my life I\u2019ve had this problem.\u00a0 I\u2019d be overwhelmed with feeling and no one would believe me because it didn\u2019t show.\u00a0 A big expression of heartfelt grief for me would be several tears rolling down my cheeks.\u00a0 I\u2019d be suicidal, sure I was going crazy, and my friends would maybe think I had a little something bothering me \u2013 a flea bite maybe?\u00a0 For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, that I had to become dramatic in the way I expressed my feelings before they counted.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t really angry unless I tore up phone books with my bare hands. Being happy without ecstatic leaps in the air didn\u2019t count.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n There\u2019s no single way to show emotion.\u00a0 Everyone has her own individual style.\u00a0 But it\u2019s important to be able to express what you feel in a way that\u2019s satisfying and that communicates.<\/p>\n Certain ways of communicating feelings increase the likelihood that you will be heard.\u00a0 If you say, \u201cI\u2019m upset. When you are late and you haven\u2019t called, I worry.\u00a0 Please call me next time\u201d, you\u2019ll probably get a better response than if you say \u201cYou\u2019re the most thoughtless person I\u2019ve ever met.\u00a0 You never care about my feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n Timing is important too.\u00a0 If you have something to say that\u2019s important or vulnerable, don\u2019t undermine yourself by picking a time that is not conducive to real listening.\u00a0 Give yourself \u2013 and your friend \u2013 the benefit of a fair start.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In an ideal world, you could express your real feelings anywhere, any time.\u00a0 Since we don\u2019t live in such a world, you need to make a balanced decision each time you consider whether to express your feelings.\u00a0 Balanced decision takes into account feelings, intellect, and judgment.<\/p>\n Getting angry at a police officer who pulls you over for a ticket isn\u2019t strategically sound.\u00a0 If you want to be intimate with someone, you have to express your feelings.\u00a0 But not all relationships are intimate.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Recognizing and expressing contemporary feelings is often easier than getting in touch with buried feelings from childhood.\u00a0 Yet part of the healing process entails going back and feeling those feelings. (See \u201cGrieving and Mourning\u201d, page 129.)<\/p>\n One useful tool for clearing out old feelings is emotional release work.\u00a0 Because memories and feelings are stored in the body, working through feelings physically can provide a powerful adjunct to taking.\u00a0 With proper safeguards and a responsible helping person to support you, emotional release work is a powerful and active way to get rid of emotional baggage.<\/p>\n Some therapies such as bioenergetics, re-birthing, primal therapy, and psychodrama include cathartic emotional release.\u00a0 Because this kid of work is active and intense (and sometimes takes people back in time to the original abuse), it is important to have the supervision of an experienced support person who is comfortable with the expression of deep pain.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n (Note: these exercises were contributed by Amy Pine.)<\/p>\n For anger:<\/strong>\u00a0 With support person present, take a tennis racket and whack it against a mattress or piled-up cushions.\u00a0 Use sound and words if you feel them.\u00a0 Let them out.\u00a0 You can start with your Full strength or start easy and work up to it.\u00a0 The support person can encourage you and cheer you on, as well as talk over your feelings with you afterward.<\/p>\n For grief:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you feel like crying but are stuck, allow your breath to help you connect your feelings with their expression.\u00a0 Exaggerate the breathing pattern \u2013 for example, long exhales, shaky inhales, adding sounds if you can.\u00a0 If tears do not come, it\u2019s still okay.\u00a0 Notice the feeling, thoughts, and sensations you do have.<\/p>\n For tension:<\/strong>\u00a0 Use your body. \u00a0Wrestle with a friend.\u00a0 Chop wood.\u00a0 Swim.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n An excellent book, Learning to Live Without Violence by Daniel Jay Sonkin and Michael Durphy, <\/em>gives sound, practical guidelines for changing abusive patterns of expressing anger.\u00a0 Although it is directed toward men, it is useful for women as well.\u00a0 (See the \u201cBattering\u201d section on page 570 of the Resource Guide.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n There is a difference between anger and violence. \u00a0Anger is an emotion and violence is one of the behaviours that can express that emotion.\u00a0 Many people do not know when they are angry until they reach the explosion point.\u00a0 Learning to identify your own anger cues will help you control your violence.\u00a0 (You can modify these questions to learn to identify other emotions as well, such as sadness or fear.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Body Signals<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Time-outs are a basic tool for controlling violence.\u00a0 They provide a structure that allows you to break abusive patterns.\u00a0 Time-outs not only stop the violence, they also help to rebuild trust.\u00a0 The rules are simple:<\/p>\n When you feel yourself beginning to get angry, say \u201cI\u2019m beginning to feel angry.\u00a0 I need to take time out.\u201d\u00a0 In this way, you communicate directly.\u00a0 You take responsibility for your own feelings and assure the other person you\u2019re committed to avoiding violence.<\/p>\n Leave for an hour.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t drink, take drugs, or drive.<\/p>\n Do something physical.\u00a0 Take a walk, go for a run, or ride a bike.\u00a0 Exercise will help discharge some of the tension in your body.<\/p>\n Come back in an hour (no more, no less).\u00a0 If you live up to your agreement, it will build trust.<\/p>\n Check in and ask the person you were angry with if they want to discuss the situation.\u00a0 If you both agree, talk about what made you angry and why you needed the time out.\u00a0 If it\u2019s still hard to discuss, come back to it later.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Alcohol and drugs do not cause violence. \u00a0However, if you already have a problem with violence, they can make it worse.\u00a0 Alcohol and many drugs suppress feelings.\u00a0 You may be less aware that you are getting angry, and thus less able to take a time-out or direct your anger appropriately.\u00a0 Your ability to control violent impulses may also be lessened If alcohol and drugs are a problem in your life, it is essential that your deal with your addiction if you want to stop your violent behaviour.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Many survivors fear that if they open up their feelings, they\u2019ll suddenly go out of control.<\/p>\n \u201cI was terrified of my anger.\u00a0 I knew that if I didn\u2019t laugh about what had happened to me, I\u2019d go stark raving mad and kill everybody who was in my way.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>Although you may indeed be very angry or very sad for a long time, those feelings don\u2019t have to be overwhelming.<\/p>\n As I\u2019ve allowed myself to feel a little at a time, I learned that the valve to feelings was neither totally open nor totally shut \u2013 totally overwhelming or totally suppressed.\u00a0 I could feel bad without wanting to kill myself.\u00a0 I could be scared without being terrified.\u00a0 There was a whole range of gradations.\u00a0 Once I stopped trying to rein my emotions in, I had more control than I thought.<\/p>\n When you\u2019ve repressed feelings for a long time, it\u2019s natural to be wary.\u00a0 But just because you have strong feelings doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll be unable to control yourself.\u00a0 Pounding pillows furiously does not mean you\u2019ve gone berserk.\u00a0 In fact, actively expressing intense feelings in a safe, structured way makes it less likely that you\u2019ll explode.\u00a0 Very few murderers kill their victims after coming out of a pillow-pounding session with their counsellor or support group.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you find yourself slapping your children, yelling at your co-workers, furious at your partner for the small trespasses of daily life, you\u2019re probably misdirecting your anger.\u00a0 Although it may be anger triggered in the present that is appropriate to the current situation, you may also be tapping into the wells of old rage from childhood.\u00a0 When the two blur, you tend to react in ways that are out of proportion to what\u2019s going on now.<\/p>\n As soon as you become aware that your feelings do not fit the present, take a break.\u00a0 Excuse yourself from the situation and try to separate the old from the new.\u00a0 If this is difficult, it will help to do some emotional release work so you have the opportunity to express your old rage in an active and focused way.\u00a0 (This is true for other feelings as well, such as feeling rejected, abandoned, or hurt.)<\/p>\n Violence is a way to assert power over others.\u00a0 It\u2019s effective in the short run but at too great a cost.\u00a0 You cannot heal from the effect of child sexual abuse while continuing to perpetrate abuse on others. If you\u2019re in a situation where you are battering or being battered, or if you find yourself repeatedly fighting or in dangerous situations, you need to stop now and get help.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Panic is what you feel when you get scared by your own emotions and don\u2019t have the skills to calm yourself down.\u00a0 Or when you\u2019re trying like mad to suppress feelings or memories.\u00a0 Although panic sometimes seems to come out of the blue, there is always a trigger.\u00a0 Often it is a reminder of your abuse that you aren\u2018t consciously aware of,<\/p>\n Randi Taylor panicked whenever she stopped at a red light. \u00a0The feeling of being boxed in and unable to move reminded her of the trapped feeling she had when she was being molested. (For more of Randi\u2019s story, see page 416.)<\/p>\n In a panic attack you are usually not aware of these connections.\u00a0 You simply feel out of control.\u00a0 Your heart is racing, your body feels as if it\u2019s going to explode, you want to run.\u00a0 When your vision may change.\u00a0 You fear you\u2019re going crazy.\u00a0 And not understanding what is going on only makes things worse.<\/p>\n Laura had her first anxiety attack when she was twenty years old.<\/p>\n \u201cI was scare.\u00a0 I was scared about being scared, and the whole thing kept snowballing out of control.\u00a0 I was getting more and more terrified by the minute and I didn\u2019t know how to find the release valve.\u00a0 Somehow I had the sense to call my best friend.\u00a0 I remember telling her on the phone, \u201cI feel like either I\u2019ll realize God, go insane, or kill myself\u201d She gave me a priceless and simple piece of advice.\u00a0 It got me through that attack of panic and many other tight situations in the years that followed.\u00a0 \u201cBreathe, Laura,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cJust breathe.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n If you start to feel panicky, breathe.\u00a0 Sit with the feeling.\u00a0 Often women think they have to do something quickly to get away from the scared feeling, but this frenzy to escape can escalate your fear rather than relieve it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t rush into action.\u00a0 Instead, reassure yourself that this is just a feeling, powerful though it may be.<\/p>\n Acting out of panic makes for poor choices.\u00a0 Putting your hand through a glass window, driving too fast, screaming at your boss, can have long-term negative consequences.<\/p>\n You need to call on your judgment (what you know to be true when you\u2019re not scared) to guide you.\u00a0 Expressing feelings when you\u2019re extremely frightened can free you from that fear, but only if you\u2019re in a setting that\u2019s safe.\u00a0 A therapy group is a good place to get in touch with deeply buried feelings.\u00a0 Driving home isn\u2019t.\u00a0 You could probably drive safely while feeling some sadness or even yelling into the night, but not if you\u2019re reliving the terror of being raped.\u00a0 If you decide it isn\u2019t a good time to express or act on your feelings, take steps to calm yourself down.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The most effective way to deal with panic is to catch it early.\u00a0 Once the panic spirals out of control, it\u2019s more difficult to stop, but at least you can keep yourself focused in a positive direction so you don\u2019t hurt yourself or others.<\/p>\n The important thing in calming down is to do whatever works for you, even if it seems silly or embarrassing.\u00a0 Through trial and error, you can develop a list of things that help.\u00a0 Try including comfort for as many of the senses as possible (feeling, hearing, sight, taste, smell).\u00a0 Actually write a list and keep it handy.\u00a0 You don\u2019t think as clearly or creatively when you\u2019re in a panic.\u00a0 If it\u2019s all written out, you only have to pick up your list, start at the top, and work your way down.<\/p>\n At sample list could look like this:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Your list will be different, but try to include reaching out to others. And you can change your list over time.\u00a0 As long as everything on it is safe, it will help you calm down.\u00a0 If you get all the way to the bottom and still don\u2019t feel better, you can start again at the top.<\/p>\n When all else fails, it may help to remember something that Laura\u2019s father always told her when things were hard:\u00a0 \u201cThis too shall pass.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c\u00a0I\u2019ve been very suicidal in the process of remembering, to the point where I\u2019ve had to say to myself, \u00ab\u00a0You will not go to certain places because you couldn\u2019t resist \u00a0the urge.\u00a0\u00bb\u00a0 I felt like the lat things in my live that were important and gave me strength had been devastated.\u00a0 So there wasn\u2019t anything to look forward to.\u00a0 It\u2019s only been in the last few months that I\u2019ve started to make plans again.\u00a0 Which means I\u2019ve decided I want to live.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Sometimes you feel so bad, you want to die.\u00a0 The pain is so great, your feelings of self-loathing so strong, the fear so intense, that you really don\u2019t want to live.\u00a0 These are your authentic feelings and it is important not to deny them.\u00a0 It is also essential not to act on them.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay to feel as devastated as you feel.\u00a0 It\u2019s just not okay to hurt yourself.*<\/p>\n We have lost far too many women already.\u00a0 Far too many victims \u2013 both adults and children \u2013 have lacked adequate support and, out of despair, have killed themselves.\u00a0 We can\u2019t afford to lose more.\u00a0 We can\u2019t afford to lose you.\u00a0 You deserve to live.<\/p>\n Reread the chapter on anger.\u00a0 You have been taught to turn that anger inward.\u00a0 When you feel so bad that you want to die, there\u2019s anger inside that you need to refocus toward the person or people who hurt you so badly as a child.\u00a0 As you get in touch with that anger, your self-hatred will dissipate.\u00a0 You will want to sustain your life, not destroy it.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/u><\/p>\n *Many of the women whose stories appear in \u201cCourageous Women\u201d have felt suicidal at some point in their healing.\u00a0 Their words can reassure you that it\u2019s worth staying alive.<\/p>\n All this takes time.\u00a0 In the meantime, don\u2019t kill yourself.\u00a0 Get help.\u00a0 If the first help isn\u2019t helpful, get other help.\u00a0 Don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 When you feel bad enough to want to die, it\u2019s hard to imagine that you could ever feel any other way.\u00a0 But you can.\u00a0 And will.\u00a0 As one survivor wrote in her journal:<\/p>\n \u201cI HATE LIFE! I hate myself! I hate what I do to myself.\u00a0 I want to crawl into the dark earth and cover myself up.\u00a0 I hate that I need to remember! That I need to go through the abuse over and over again in order to let it go and find life.\u00a0 Why should I want to live again?\u00a0 How do I know it won\u2019t just be more pain? How can anyone expect me to continue working toward something so unknown and intangible?<\/em><\/p>\n And yet I do.\u00a0 There is something inside me that must have incredible strength, because it has survived three major suicide attempts and lots of disillusioned and desparate times.\u00a0 And it\u2019s still there, keeping me going, making we work, urging me to remember and fight the guilt, to get angry, to cry, to feel, and share…and share…and share!\u00a0 Pushing me on toward that unknown with they call life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n If you start feeling suicidal or compelled to hurt yourself, get help right away.\u00a0 Make an agreement to call a counsellor or a friend if you feel you can\u2019t control your actions.\u00a0 Call your local suicide prevention hotline.\u00a0 (Find the number before you need it).<\/p>\n The feelings will pass.\u00a0 You may think the feelings will consume you, will be absolutely unbearable.\u00a0 But you can learn to wait them out.\u00a0 It\u2019s like a difficult childbirth.\u00a0 The labouring woman thinks she can\u2019t handle another contraction, but she does. \u00a0And then it passes.<\/p>\n Each time you are able to bear the pain of your feelings without hurling yourself, each time you are able to keep safe, to reach out for help, to befriend yourself through the anguish, you have built up a little more of the warrior spirit.\u00a0 You have fought the brainwashing of the abusers and won the battle.\u00a0 You have not let them destroy you.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s a good idea to create a safe spot in your house, a place you can go when you\u2019re scared. \u00a0Make an agreement with yourself that as long as you\u2019re in that spot, you won\u2019t hurt yourself or anyone else \u2013 you\u2019ll be safe.\u00a0 And make an agreement that if you start to feel out of control and afraid of what you might do, you\u2019ll go to that spot and stay there, breathing one breath at a time until the feeling passes.<\/p>\n Your safe spot might be a window seat on the stairway, your bed, or a favourite reading chair.\u00a0 Or it might be a hiding place where no one can find you.\u00a0 One woman spent the night sleeping in her closet on top of her shoes, something she\u2019d done as a small child to comfort herself in a house where no place was safe.<\/p>\n Take your own nurturing seriously, no matter how odd it may look.\u00a0 When all else fails.\u00a0 Laura\u2019s been known to head for bed with her teddy bear and a baby bottle full of warm milk.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Consciously changing your environment can sometimes snap you out of panic.\u00a0 This can be as simple as leaving your bedroom\u00a0 and walking into the kitchen to made tea.\u00a0 Or you can leave your house and take a walk down the block.\u00a0 If you\u2019re out in nature, looking up at the stars or trees can give you a sense of perspective.<\/p>\n Sometimes the things that upset you are sensory reminders of past abuse.\u00a0 The smell of a certain cologne, the tone of someone\u2019s voice, the sound of corduroy rubbing together, can trigger real anxiety.<\/p>\n \u201cOne day I was in the kitchen, getting more and more depressed.\u00a0 I started trying to calm myself down, telling myself, \u201cOkay, you\u2019re doing fine.\u00a0 This\u2019ll pass.\u00a0 It always does.\u201d\u00a0 That didn\u2019t help at all.\u00a0 I\u2019m beginning to know how to take care of myself, so I just went back to the basics.\u00a0 I reminded myself to breathe, asked myself when I\u2019d been, started cutting up vegetables for dinner \u2013 and felt worse.\u00a0 Finally I noticed that the light in the kitchen was really dim.\u00a0 I turned on an overhead light and felt better right away.\u00a0 That kind of dim light always makes me feel terrible.\u00a0 It reminds me of the house I grew up in.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Sometimes it\u2019s hardest to reach out when you need it the most, but give yourself a loving push to break out of your isolation.\u00a0 If you\u2019re with a trustworthy person, you can ask for a hug or to be held.\u00a0 If you\u2019re alone, call someone.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good idea to arrange this beforehand.\u00a0 When you\u2019re in that panicky place, you sometimes feel alienated, unsure why anyone would want to know you, let alone help you.\u00a0 If you\u2019re in a support group member or in therapy, arrange to call a group member or your therapist.\u00a0 Make a contract with a friend that you\u2019ll call each other when you\u2019re in need.\u00a0 This may be the last thing you feel like doing, but remind yourself that you made the agreement for just this kind of circumstance, that it really is a good idea (even if you can\u2019t remember why), and then pick up the phone and dial.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Almost anything that works is fair game in dealing with panic, but there are a few things you should avoid.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When you\u2019re on the other side of an attack of panic, self-hatred, or despair, relax and rest a bit.\u00a0 Such emotional intensity is exhausting and you need to replenish your energy.\u00a0 When you feel Balanced again, try to determine what triggered it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Sometimes questions like these can help you find the roots.\u00a0 It may take a series of episodes with similar dynamics before you are able to pinpoint the source, but it\u2019s worth the work.\u00a0 This kind of analysis can help you avoid getting swept up in the same cycle the next time.\u00a0 (For in-depth examples of how two survivors dealt with panic, read Evie Malcolm\u2019s and Randi Taylor\u2019s stories in the \u201cCourageous Women\u201d sections.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Over time, your positive feelings will increase.\u00a0 Happiness, excitement, satisfaction, love, security, and hope will appear more frequently.\u00a0 Although these are \u201cgood\u201d feelings, you may not be comfortable with them at first.<\/p>\n For many survivors, positive feelings are scary.\u00a0 As a child, happiness often signalled a disaster about to occur.\u00a0 If you were playing with your friends when your uncle called you in and molested you, if you were sleeping peacefully when your father abused you, if you were having Sunday dinner at your grandparents when you were taken by surprise and humiliated, you learned that happiness was not to be happy when you were suffering inside, happiness may feel like a sham to you still.<\/p>\n Even the idea that you might, at some time, feel good can be threatening.\u00a0 One woman said she dared not hope.\u00a0 As a child she hoped day after day that her father might come home cheerful, might be nice to her, and might stop abusing her.\u00a0 And day after day, she was disappointed.\u00a0 Finally, out of self-preservation, she gave up hope.<\/p>\n Sometimes peacefulness and contentment are the most disconcerting feelings of all.\u00a0 Calm may be so totally unfamiliar that you don\u2019t know how to relax and enjoy it.\u00a0 Unexpected good feelings can be hard to come to terms with.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d been unhappy all my life.\u00a0 When I remembered the incest, I finally knew shy, but I was still unhappy.\u00a0 Healing was a terrifying and painful experience and my life was as full of struggle and heartache as it had always been.\u00a0 Several years after I started therapy, I began to feel happy.\u00a0 I was stunned.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t realized that the point of all this work on myself was to feel good.\u00a0 I thought it was just one more struggle in a long line of struggles.\u00a0 It took a while before I got used to the idea that my life had changed, that I felt happy, that I was actually content.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Learning to tolerate feeling good is one of the nicest parts of healing.\u00a0 One you get started, you may find that you want to do it a lot.\u00a0 Take all the opportunities that come your way. A quiet moment drinking tea in the morning.\u00a0 Reading your child a bedtime story.\u00a0 A totally engrossing movie.\u00a0 A call from a friend just to say hello.\u00a0 An omelette that turned out perfect.\u00a0 Notice these things.\u00a0 Take the risk of admitting that you feel good \u2013 first for a moment, then for longer.<\/p>\n Being liked, loved, and appreciated has felt threatening for many survivors.\u00a0 Visibility is a kind of exposure.\u00a0 Appreciation can bring up feelings of shame.\u00a0 The contrast between someone\u2019s high opinion of you and your own self-hatred can be wrenching.\u00a0 And feeling positive about yourself \u2013 feeling worthy, deserving, and proud \u2013 may seem fantastically out of reach.\u00a0 But again, these feelings are so pleasant that you\u2019ll find it\u2019s worth getting used to them.<\/p>\n When someone pays you a compliment, try saying \u201cThank you\u201d<\/em> instead of immediately rattling off a list of your faults.\u00a0 If you receive a present, say \u201cThis makes me feel really good\u201d <\/em>If you get a raise, say \u201cI like being acknowledged for my word.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Although you\u2019ve experienced a lot of pain in your life, you have a multitude of opportunities for experiencing wonderful feelings as well.\u00a0 Take them.\u00a0 You deserve to feel good.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Source : <\/em><\/strong>Courage to heal, <\/em>Ellen Bass and Louise Thornton<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column_inner][\/et_pb_row_inner][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Four survivors when asked about feelings: \u201cFeelings?\u00a0 What feelings?\u00a0 Are they in this room with us?\u201d\u201cWhat did you say?\u00a0 Huh?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t quite hear you right.\u201d\u201cMostly I have feelings with my head.\u201d\u201cI think one feeling a day is all I can handle.\u201d We have feelings all the time, whether we\u2019re aware of them or not.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"parent":6067,"menu_order":120,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-7891","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\n
<\/em><\/strong>\u201cWhat did you say?\u00a0 Huh?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t quite hear you right.\u201d
<\/em><\/strong>\u201cMostly I have feelings with my head.\u201d
<\/em><\/strong>\u201cI think one feeling a day is all I can handle.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nFEELINGS ARE A PACKAGE DEAL<\/strong><\/h5>\n
GETTING IN TOUCH WITH FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\u00a0<\/h5>\n
YOU FEEL IN YOUR BODY<\/strong><\/h5>\n
PAY ATTENTION<\/strong><\/h5>\n
EXERCICES FOR GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
CREATIVITY<\/strong><\/h5>\n
DRAW YOUR FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
USE YOUR MIND<\/strong><\/h5>\n
FEELING <\/strong>vs <\/strong>THINKING<\/strong><\/h5>\n
<\/em>\u201cI feel you are going to leave me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
<\/em>\u201cI feel afraid that you might leave me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nWHAT ARE FEELINGS?<\/strong><\/h5>\n
<\/em>By this time it\u2019s like a rut in an unpaved road.\u00a0 Hundreds of cars drive on a dirt road.\u00a0 Each car travels the same path, until it becomes automatic for the tires to follow the tracks.\u00a0 The same is true for thoughts.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve had a lifetime of practice diverting the first glimmer of anger into \u201cI\u2019m bad\u201d, you need to explore the feelings underneath that habit, consciously changing the track.\u00a0 (For more on changing negative thought patterns, see \u201cinternalized Messages\u201d on page 189.)<\/p>\nHONORING FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
GET SUPPORT FOR FEELING<\/strong><\/h5>\n
COMMUNICATING YOUR FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
DEVELOPING DISCRIMINATION<\/strong><\/h5>\n
EMOTIONAL RELEASE WORK<\/strong><\/h5>\n
EMOTIONAL RELEASE EXERCICES<\/strong><\/h5>\n
LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT VIOLENCE<\/strong><\/h5>\n
RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN ANGER<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\n
<\/strong><\/li>\n
<\/strong><\/li>\nTIME-OUTS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
ALCOHOL AND DRUGS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
FEAR OF FEELING<\/strong><\/h5>\n
CONTROLLING ABUSIVE ANGER<\/strong><\/h5>\n
PANIC<\/strong><\/h5>\n
CALMING DOWN<\/strong><\/h5>\n
THINGS TO DO WHEN I\u2019M DESPERATE<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\n
DON\u2019T KILL YOURSELF<\/strong><\/h5>\n
CREATE A SAFE SPOT<\/strong><\/h5>\n
CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT<\/strong><\/h5>\n
REACH OUT<\/strong><\/h5>\n
SOME THINGS TO AVOID<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\n
AFTER YOU COME DOWN<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\n
POSITIVE FEELINGS CAN BE SCARY TOO<\/strong><\/h5>\n