Myths and Realities
There are many myths about sexual violence that influence our perception of survivors, perpetrators, their families and friends, and the broader public. These myths that perpetuate the rape culture are all around us in society—in the media, in advertisements, on television shows, in movies and video games and on the Internet.
MYTH
Only vulnerable people can be sexually assaulted.
REALITY
Although there is a higher proportion of children and adolescents among victims of sexual violence, sexual violence can happen to anyone, even the elderty.
Similarly, even though victims are usually women, men are also victims of sexual violence. Members of the LGBTQ+ community are at greater risk of being subjected to sexual violence than are cisgender heterosexuals.
There is also a larger proportion of sexual violence victims among people who have mental health problems or an intellectual disability, women with a physical or sensory disability, persons who provide sexual services in return for payment, homeless people, indigenous people and racialized people.
MYTH
It wasn’t rape, so it wasn’t sexual violence.
REALITY
Any unwanted sexual contact is considered sexual violence. Many forms of sexual violence – such as stalking or distributing intimate videos-involve no physical contact. All of these acts are serious and can be damaging.
MYTH
It is not sexual violence if the partners are in a relationship.
REALITY
Regardless of the relationship between the two people and whether consent was given in the past, it is the duty of the partner initiating sexual activity to obtain the other person’s consent every time.
Sexual consent is clear, enthusiastic agreement given by the person involved at the time of participation in a sexual activity. Consent may be withdrawn at any time.
MYTH
It wasn’t sexual violence because the person didn’t report it to the police.
REALITY
Just because a person doesn’t report the assault doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Fewer than 1 in 10 survivors report the crime to police.
MYTH
When a person says “no”, it usually means “yes”.
REALITY
When a person says “no”, it means “no”. By ignoring the person’s refusal or choosing not to understand, the offender is not respecting her decision. Without mutual consent, it’s sexual assault.
MYTH
It’s no big deal to have sex with a person who is drunk, stoned or passed out.
REALITY
It’s no big deal to have sex with a person who is drunk, stoned or passed out.
MYTH
The person doesn’t have any obvious physical injuries, such as cuts or bruises, so it’s not sexual violence.
REALITY
Lack of physical injury doesn’t mean the person wasn’t sexually assaulted. The perpetrator may use threats, weapons or other types of coercion that do not leave physical marks. They may have been unconscious or otherwise incapacitated.
MYTH
She seemed awfully calm when she told us about it. Hard to believe that she was really sexually assaulted.
REALITY
Every person is unique and reacts in their own way. That reaction may depend on the context of their specific experience of sexual violence, the reactions of those close to them on hearing their story, and the personal resources available to them.
When a victim appears calm when relating what happened to them, those listening may wonder if it was really sexual violence that they experienced, because many people think (wrongly) that all victims should be angry or in a state of panic. Remaining extremely calm is a frequent reaction, however, when we feel we are in danger or are dealing with a difficult situation.
MYTH
The person isn’t crying or visibly upset, so it wasn’t a serious sexual assault.
REALITY
Each person reacts differently. They may cry or be calm, be silent or very angry. Their behaviour is not necessarily an indicator of the trauma they experienced.
MYTH
Victims are sometimes responsible for the sexual violence done to them.
REALITY
No one ever asks to be subjected to sexual violence.
In the case of adults :
Hitch-hicking, going out late at night, using alcohol or drugs, dressing in a seductive manner, wanting to have sex with someone or going home with them; none of these behaviours may be considered to be provocation.
In the case of children :
The expression of adult sexual behaviour in children may be an indication of prior sexual violence and in no way justifies sexual violence done to children.
MYTH
Some victims just ask for it because of how they behave and dress.
REALITY
A person does not ask to be sexually assaulted through their actions or appearance. Things like hitchhiking, staying out late, drinking or doing drugs, dressing seductively, wanting a relationship or expressing a desire to go home with someone -none of these constitutes an invitation or provocation to sexual assault.
LE MTYH
Persons who become sexually excited or have an orgasm during a sexual assault are consenting because they’re experiencing pleasurable feelings.
REALITY
It’s possible for a person to have a physical reaction to sexual stimulation, even when being sexually assaulted. Regardless of the person’s physical reaction, it doesn’t mean the person consented to the assault.
MYTH
Women lie and make up stories about being sexually assaulted.
REALITY
The number of false reports of sexual assault is very low, consistent with the number of false reports for other crimes in Canada. Sexual assault carries such stigma that many women prefer not to report.
MYTH
If it really happened, the person would be able to remember what happened and in the proper order.
REALITY
Shock, fear, embarrassment and distress can all impair memory. Many survivors attempt to minimize or forget the details of the assault as a way of coping with the trauma. In addition, memory loss is common if alcohol or drugs were involved.
MYTH
All you have to do to escape a situation of sexual exploitation is to tell someone about it.
REALITY
Pimps use a wide variety of pressure tactics to maintain a hold on their victims, including manipulation, blackmail and violence. Victims often fear reprisals from the authorities or their entourage. They may also not be aware of their rights or of the existence of resources that can help them.
MYTH
Offenders can’t control their sexual urges.
REALITY
Sexual assault is an act of violence. It is not about sexual desire. These assaults are not about attraction or an inability to control urges. They are about control over another person. There are no physiological conditions that prevent offenders from being able to control themselves. Everyone has control over their body’s sexual urges.
MYTH
People who commit an act of sexual violence are generally unknown to the victim.
REALITY
Whether the victim is an adult, a teen or a child, they often know the person who committed the act of sexual violence. That applies to 82% of the assault reported to the police (Statistics Canada).
The person responsible for the sexual violence often takes advantage of their relationship of trust or authority with the victim. The perpetrator may be a partner or a relation, but may also be a trusted professional, such as a therapist, doctor, psychiatrist, trainer or teacher.
MYTH
Sexual harassment, sentimental office stories and flirting are all the same.
REALITY
The difference between flirting and sexual harassment is consent. Flirting is mutual and wanted, sexual harassment is not. Sexual harassment occurs when there is no consent on the part of the target person.
MYTH
All offenders have mental health problems.
REALITY
Most of the time, the alleged attacker is a member of the victim’s family or an acquaintance who has no mental health problems.
MYTH
All men who sexually assault other males are homosexuals.
REALITY
There are offenders who have preferences as to the sex or age of their victims. Most men who sexually assault other males are heterosexual.
MYTH
Most aggressors have been assaulted themselves during childhood.
REALITY
The majority of sexual aggressors have never been sexually assaulted and the majority of sexual assault victims will never assault another person. Aggressors choose to sexually assault someone. It is not an uncontrollable consequence of their past.
Most sexual assault victims are women, while the majority of aggressors are men. If being assaulted were a factor in becoming an aggressor, women would soon become the majority of aggressors; but this is not the case.
LE MYTH
Men from certain races and backgrounds are more often guilty of sexual assault.
REALITY
Sexual aggressors come from all ages and all economic, ethnic, racial, and social groups. The belief that women are more often sexually assaulted by men of color or men from the working class is a stereotype based on racism and class prejudices.
The sexual aggressor can be a family member, spouse, friend, acquaintance, professional (doctors, lawyers, etc.), teacher, employer, colleague, etc.
LE MYTH
It is easy to recognize a sexual aggressor when we see one.
REALITY
Contrary to popular belief, not all aggressors are intimidating. The aggressors are very often people that we know, that we trust and that we like. For example : a father, an uncle, a cousin, a boyfriend, a trainer, a neighbour, a family friend, an employer, a fried met at a party, etc.
LE MYTH
Boys who are sexually assaulted by men will automatically become gay.
REALITY
Homophobia reinforces the silence of men and boys because they fear even more reprisals if they reveal that they were sexually violated by a man. A boy’s sexual or gender identity will not be determined by their experience of sexual violence perpetrated by a man.
MYTH
I can’t beleive he was accused of sexual violence ! He’s such a nice guy.
REALITY
Most of the time, a person who commits sexual assault is well integrated in society. They may very well be charming people who are respected members of their community.
Although people with delinquent sexual behaviours are more likely to present a set of personal and relationship difficulties, including such mental health problems, anxiety or a personality disorder, most of them function normally in society.
MYTH
Sexual abuse only affects the victim.
REALITY
Sexual abuse affects those close to the victims (spouses, family members, friends colleagues). It affects everyone, no matter their race or religion, whether they are male or female, or victims of sexual assault or not, because it causes fear and threatens all of society. More specifically, it threatens women’s health, women’s rights and security. For example, it generates important costs in the judicial system (ex.: salary of the police force, crown attorney and judge, keeping the young offenders in jail or juvenile facilities, etc.).
MYTH
One way to stop sexual violence is to ignore it.
REALITY
Ignoring sexual violence has the opposite effect, which could lead the individual to perpetuate sexual violence, quickly realizing the vulnerability of the target person.
MYTH
Sexual violence is a big problem and I can’t change it.
REALITY
We have more power than we think to resolve this problem ! We can take action, for example, by signing a petition, involving ourselves in a project about sexual abuse, doing volunteer work at CALACS or in another group fighting against abuse, by avoiding sexist jokes, and by respecting others rights.
MYTH
After experiencing sexual violence, it is impossible to feel better and live a satisfying life.
REALITY
Victims of sexual assault are going through a very tough time… but can get better. They show a great deal of strength and courage. Sexual assault does not stop someone from enjoying every day life and does not take away their strength and resources although it might feel that way because they feel broken inside. With help, support and respect from the people they love and that surround them, they will regain their well-being.
| Sources : | Ottawa University |
| Sexual Violence Helpline | |
| J’AVISE Program |
